That says more about you than it does about me...

Have you ever had someone say or do something to you that totally leaves you wondering what in the world you did or said wrong? I had this teacher in collage that loved to play mind games with his students (really with anyone that would keep his attention) and remember saying to him after quite a long debate, "that says more about you than it does about me". You should have seen the look on his face, he was stunned. That one comment ended the conversation quickly, and my moment of clarity had arrived.

It really brings us back to childhood for example when a child calls another child a name, and the response is, "I know you are, but what am I?" What I'm talking about is the grown up version of this, kinda...

If in an "emotional" conversation if you can shut yourself off, and hear the heart of what the other person is saying, you will often hear the other person share things about themselves that you may not have otherwise picked up on. You may even hear them tell you why they are so passionate about this issue.

A simple example would be...

• If someone is always accusing you of lying over and over again ask yourself, is this person always lying to me?

A more complex example would be...

• I have a problem and talk to a friend about it for awhile. They offer up a solution and it's THEIR core issue, nothing close to mine...

The true art of listening to someone is picking up on their core issue, and applying it to their problems. Don't put yourself in their shoes, because you are not them. Put them in their own shoes, and walk beside them so that you breath and live their issue before you open your mouth to offer a solution. If you don't do this, you will be saying way more about yourself, when it's suppose to be about them and not you...