Humbled by...

This week is almost over and I realized that I was not able to share my experience last weekend at the REV's cottage. I brought 2 friends that have sworn not to tell anyone about the true happenings of the weekned (which sounds bad, but really is not...really) I will tell of one object lesson that really has begun to shape a new part of my life, along with a few other incidents all leading up to a - change or in process of change.

If you know the Rev or myself well, you will know that I have a slight need to be in contest with him continually. Although we are quite close, there are things that Jo Pott just needs to be independant in, and refuses to recieve help for fear of seeming weak. (Because girls are not weak...) Anyways, the Rev has decided that i am capable of taking people for rides on the ATV. It is standard, so is my car, (so is my church for that matter) and if you know the basics your set...

Decided to go to this point about 4 km's away from the cottage. You would see almost the whole lake from that one spot... beautifull. I turned off the ATV and thought "cool, peace and quiet" was going to just hang with God...was beginning to get dark, and when i went to turn on the ATV, it wouldnt start. IT WOULD'NT START! tried the little flippy switches, tried changing gears, tried kicking it, nothing was working. I could hear one of my friends yelling at me from accross the lake, luckly they could not see me... I just pretended I couldnt hear her, (something that happens far too often with this friend...) and tried again...flippy switches, gears, kick...nothing. After about 20 mins of pain from kicking and switching, and 10 minutes of ok what the heck am I going to do.. I walked through thornbushes, trees, long grass and I think dog crap and yelled accross the lake... Told them I was stuck and couldnt get the ATV started. My face was flushed as soon as it was out of my mouth. All I heard in response from the little dots on the other side was "the REV is comming in the van".

Silence...

I ran back to the ATV and thought maybe I could start it on my own still. I could hear the van pull out... rechecked the flippy switches, is everything on? Could hear van on main road... Tried getting it into nutral didnt work.. that was it, nutral... Van on small path leading to point I kicked, I groaned, rocked the stipid thing and still nothing... Van on the hill coming up Decided to relax so the REV didnt think I was too imature to just sit and wait for him. enter the Van There he was... smiling from ear to ear in his glory. He didnt say much, I was so red. I was so humbled. I felt so little. He let me drive it back, and seriously, I think he knew I was kinda humbled by the whole thing.

For some reason the whole insident really broke something in me. While I was waiting on the hill for the REV I had a moment of truth hit me. It was like I knew it was ok for someone to come and have to help me. The whole time I was on the hill, and as I heard the Van aproaching I could only think of the way I treat others and most of all, God. I have a huge problem allowing people to REALLY care for me, even in the easiest ways. I like to be strong and independant... Two nights later I wrote to God in my journal and knew that there was a softness in my spirit that had not been there before. I have been here before, but lost it at one point... I hate how the world can make you hard, and harsh. ( I guess that is our choice...) Believe it or not, I feel kind of shy and almost just quiet. Secure but, well just humbled... Pray for this to continue in my life. It is huge for me...