Last night I was alone, not by choice and the break up hit me for the first time. Unchosen solitude my most unfavorite thing. It's fine when you have planned to be alone, write, draw, spend time in prayer... Through the sobs and anger because of the sobs, I wrote in my journal.

What is this human need we have for unconditional love? Will I ever get past it? Is God able to fill that place within me...fully? With a combo of the "church" (community) and God, can we live reletivly "joy filled" lives? Why do I feel so alone? does everyone feel this way? If everyone does are they even aware of it? Would they ever admit it? Are we to fill one anothers aloneness, or just encourage it? Was Henri Nowen right when he talked about solitude...? Does God hurt for my ex and hurt for me at the same time? Why would God ever alow himself to be emotionally attached to us? Does God actually take delight in us? i think he does...

If you can answer the above questions in a sentence or less, then you are simple... or spiritually dead.

I think all the things we long for as human right now will be given in heaven. There is never any guarentee that this whole life will be easy... that's why i get so pissed when pastors say... let him into your heart, and and you'll be so glad you did... or you will feel so much better.... No you will be attacked and ripped apart, that is why you are suppose to tell someone who cares about you, so they can pray.

Most of the things I ask can be comfortably unanswered. I ask so much about me, because it is a natural progression from inward to out. I have realized that others do not process or think or feel the same way I do, but everyone has similar questions, because they are universal.